3 days. . .

And the countdown continues . . .  3 days. Wow! I am so excited and anxious.

It has only been 4 1/2 months since we first saw sweet Ella. But it also feels like she has been part of our family forever and we are missing her like crazy. I love to just sit in her room and envision the future. I have mentally packed her clothes and toys so many times. Now that it is really real, 3 days real, I am getting emotional.

I am worried that she will have a very difficult transition. I am trying to prepare to have her hate me and cry and have tantrums. I am preparing for her not eating, not sleeping, hitting, shouting and pouting or as one adoptive parent in China put it "wailing like the Ringwraiths from Lord of the Rings." I am just trying to prepare myself for all negative outcomes.  I hope she hasn't learned how to be manipulative. 

Part of me feels guilty for thinking the worst. This should be a joyous and happy moment, but am I casting a pall over this whole experience be expecting a grieving and confused 3 year old? She will be grieving and confused, that is certain.  I just don't know how that grief and confusion will manifest. Being a mother of three I know that children are resilient. I wouldn't have started on this path to Ella if I didn't know, truly know, that it will all work out.  

We have had 18 month to fall in love with the idea of her, and 4 1/2 months to fall in love with her smile, her photos and her video. I don't know if she has been prepared, we have prayed the nannies have shown her our photos and photobook. . . but in the end you just don't know.

The most powerful emotion is love and excitement.  I am so excited to take the leap and meet my daughter. I can't wait fall in love again, with this amazing little girl.